There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
