if i can run in heels then i can drive
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
