My room smells like vodka and shame
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
