i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
