I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
