Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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