you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
