ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
