My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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