my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
