It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
