wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
