Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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