I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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