Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
