im gay
i know
yea but for you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
