She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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