Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
