I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
