this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As shirtless as possible
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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