I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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