I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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