his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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