"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need to wash the frat house off of me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
