It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
