I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
