I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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