Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
