If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
