I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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