I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
