it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize