ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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