First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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