I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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