I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
