I cockslap morals
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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