I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
