The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
