she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
