i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The air taste purple.
Randomize
