if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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