he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
