Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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