'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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