so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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