i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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