just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
