i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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