I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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