Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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