wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
