how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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