So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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