Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
