So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
