We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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