We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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