So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
