I got chris browned last night
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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