Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
