Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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