Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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