This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
