It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
