If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
