I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
