So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
