It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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