summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
