I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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