marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
