she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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