I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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