**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
