Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
