Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
