Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do herpes really smell.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
