No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
