I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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