and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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